Welcome back to another Snippet Saturday! Today’s snippets are ‘humorous’ scenes! My excerpt is from my book Love for Sale! Enjoy my snippet and then blog hop to read others!
After her oversexed grandma talks her into signing up for the ‘Buy a Dame’ fundraiser, Jessica Davis gets a makeover and goes on the auction block. She never expected the roughly sexy man who’d buy her, or the plans he had in store.
Josh Thomas came to Leaf Island after his grandpa died to do some hard core thinking. He hadn’t planned on buying a woman for the weekend and then falling hard for her. She seems equally enamored, but will she still want him when she finds out the one thing he’s been hiding?
EXCERPT“And last, we have Jessica Davis, my lovely granddaughter.”
Ah, finally my turn. Placing a hand on my hip, I stepped forward with an ‘I’m the next Miss America’ grin, and waited to hear the bids shouted out. This was it. This was my moment of glory. This was…dead silence.
My smile froze a bit, my glance moved around the room. Had I suddenly lost my hearing? Most of the men were looking at me like I was the horse that might have to be put down. A handful of guys even got up and left.
Cold sweat broke out over my body, as panic caused my pulse to skyrocket. Oh God. It was actually happening. The reason I’d never bothered to sign up for this auction before. The fear that nobody would bid on me.
There was literally nobody bidding on me.
Grams cleared her throat. “Jessie makes a wonderful apple pie from scratch. Don’t you, Jess?”
I’d never made a pie in my life. I could barely manage to push a frozen Sara Lee in the oven.
“Sure,” I mumbled, my lips numb even though I kept smiling. A few of the girls behind me snickered and my cheeks burned. I wanted the stage to just crack and swallow me whole.
“Four dollars and fifty cents.” A shaky voice finally rang out.
Grams sighed. “Oh, dear. Mr. Smith, this isn’t a bargaining auction. Bidding must actually start at five dollars.”
“All right, fine. Five dollars then,” he grumbled. More giggling came from behind me.
Waldo Smith? My stomach dropped and I wanted to jump off the stage to end my misery. Heck, I’d risk a broken leg over escaping him any day.
Waldo Smith was, like, eighty years old. I’d heard the horrific stories from the girls in the dressing room. Waldo’s soul purpose of buying a girl was to have her read him stories in dirty magazines, and wash down his urine saturated bathroom.
“Wonderful. Do I hear five dollars and fifty cents?”
Dead silence. It was so quiet you could hear the ticking from the grandfather clock in the back. Somebody sneezed. This was it. I was going to spend my next two days mopping up piss when I wasn’t busy narrating porn.
“Come on boys, do it for the children!” Grams begged. “Or there’ll be no new books next year.” A few more men got up and left, rather than face the guilt trip from Grams.
I lowered my head. All of a sudden, I didn’t feel so pretty anymore.
Obviously, a makeover and a nice dress hadn’t done an ounce of good. Nobody wanted me except a dirty old man that couldn’t hit the toilet.
“One thousand‐dollars.” A voice ripped through the silence, reverberating in the room.
“Sold!” Grams yelled.
My chin jerked up as my jaw dropped and my eyes went wide.
Who the hell had just paid one‐thousand‐dollars for me? For me! I looked around the room, desperate to find the voice. The whispers behind me went rampant.
“Did he just say one thousand dollars?”
“Do you see him? Oh my God! He looks like a Hell’s Angel.”
“I’d rather have Mr. Smith.”
I finally found him, leaning against the wall in the back. The same lazy smile on his face that he’d had in the hallway a short time ago.
Mr. Tattoo had just bought me.
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Wow! This sounds fabulous. Love the cover. Really feeling for your heroine.
Is it out already, or do I have to wait to buy it?
Thank you, Kate! This is already out (one of my old Cobblestone Book!) I loved writing this, was too much fun!