So once a month (guess which time) I get kind of moody. I always start questioning things… my life and the choices I’ve made. I start to wonder if I’m just a big old failure. (Yes, yes, I know you’re all screaming and throwing tomatoes at me) But really…
You see, most of the time I think that I’ve made a good choice. Deciding to have Emma and stay with my parents, at least until she’s old enough to go to school. That way I can stay home with her, not have to work, and actually be a single mom who gets to be at home for my daughter’s early years. I used to think, who knows, by the time kindergarten arrives, I may have sold to NY and be selling one or two books a year. I could afford to not go back to work and actually be writer!
But kindergarten is just over two years away, and even if I do get multi deals to NY. I’ve had a reality check. Most authors–especially single moms–can’t afford to quit their day job just because they’re selling a few books a year. And I really couldn’t. I need the medical benefits. And if I’m not working and making too much money from books, I lose my state help for benefits. And I need them because I have health issues that don’t let me buy my own.
So I know I have to go back to work soon. But I’m hitting that panic stage. Because I love where I am now. Grandma sitting a couple times a week (and getting a little extra money), being able to be at home with my daughter, be able to hold office as Vice President of my local RWA chapter, take a small job at my publisher, write A LOT. There’s just so many plus sides.
And with each year that goes by with me out of the ‘workforce’ I start to get more worried. My resume is going to have a big gap. Most employers won’t even give me a call back. The one place I know that will hire me (where I worked when I was prego, my sis-in-law works there) is a wonderful company, but they are rigid. No internet, no excuses. Not even on lunches. So add in commuting time, and I’m looking at an 10-11 hour work day. And that strikes the fear of God into me. I’ll get home and Emma will be ready for bed an hour later. And I’ll spend an hour or two writing before I pass out myself….
Okay, as I type this I realize I’m whining. Screw it. Women do this all the time. I can too. When it’s time, I’ll suck it up and deal. Honestly, the biggest horror is no internet for 11 hours a day! And I’ll have to cut back on my volunteer work in the writing community. But like I said, that’s a couple more years. And who knows, I could be the next Jenny Cruise by then. (I’d say Nora, but my writing is more funny and Jennyish.) See, I’m setting my sights high 
Okay, okay, all done. Here’s my Halloween pic of the day. It could be worse. I could be her….
Shelli!!! It sounds to me like you’re definitely doing the right thing. You’re lucky you’re able to be a stay-at-home mom and be with Emma during this important time in her life. Things have a way of working out, so don’t worry. Especially if you have a couple more years. And definitely don’t worry about resume gaps - women take time off work all the time to raise kids. No biggie!
Aw, Shelli. It’ll all work out. And I have a feeling your career is going to take off big time! You’ll never regret spending time with Emma!
You know what? Just because woman do it all the time doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck. It also doesn’t mean that you don’t have a right to wish you had another option. It’s sad that you’re considered “lucky” if you’re able to raise your own child full time, more parents should be able to (if they choose to of course).
On the work front, have you concidered doing volunteer work? It’d fill some space on your resume and be practical experience, particularly if you can get some vol. work in the field you’d like to work in.
Listen, I think the writing/vp of your RWA chapter could go on a resume. That’s hard work, damn it! But I understand your fear - don’t panic. It’ll all work out, I’m sure.
The Exorcist was one freaky movie. Freaky!!!
I can honestly say I wouldnt have accomplished have of what I’ve accomplished if it wasn’t for you. You’re not only an awesome, super kick ass friend, you’re a fantastic author. Maybe after you hit NY you can work part time? That way, no internet withdraw and you still get to spend time with your munchkin.
And what you do now is hard! But just keep your head up and keep on trucking! You rock!
You also suck for the picture of Linda Blair! I hate! HATE that movie and thank God I caught the top of her head and scrolled down! Thanks for sending me the link so I could come. You rock and only suck a little!
Hugs, Shelli! I agree that things have a way of working out, and often not in any way we could have anticipated. Keep your chin up, hon. Keep playing with your daughter and writing like mad while you have the chance — you won’t regret either one — and deal with what comes when it comes.
Thanks for the picture, BTW. I didn’t want to eat for a couple of days anyway.
GROSS picture!! LOL
I lived with my parents until my son was in third grade. Although it was weird being 28 and still living at home, it was good for my son.
Honestly, I’d still be living at home if I hadn’t met and married hubby…go figure! LOL
With Love,
Tara M.
I was with you girl, right until I got down to the Blair photo..
Thank you for assisting me in my diet!!
Hey Shelli,
Like everyone else said, you’re doing the right thing by staying home. Also, I don’t think you should just accept working at the old place. Women take off time to raise their kids all the time. It’s a perfectly acceptable reason to not hold a job. I’m certain you will have employers calling you back. Don’t just settle for a job with no internet.
Hey, Shelli! Everyone else has said it so well. Just hang in there. Things usually have a way of working out and they will for you. Stop worrying and enjoy your time writing and being with Emma
Ugh! Where do you find these pictures?
You can always work at the old place for a short time to close the gap in your resume while you look for somewhere that’s a better fit. Hang in there - everything will work itself out!
You guys are so sweet and have wonderful advice! I kind of like the idea of using the company to close the gap and then getting a new job.
But for now, not going to sweat it, I’ll keep being active in the writing community and raising my kid!
You all rock! ((HUGS))
Faith is hard but it’s the only thing we can hold onto sometimes.
You can start partime maybe? That or you know, studying in a field of writing like editing or proofreading and that way you can still do what you love…sorta
I think all the work you do with cobblestone press and the chapter vice president for romance divas is all stuff you can and should add to your resume. There won’t be any gaps!
And in regards to the internet.. you have a laptop that has wireless.. go to a cafe that offers a connection on your lunch and go to town! You don’t have to stay in the building during your lunch break do you?