Shelli Stevens

I have the urge to blog tonight, or early morning, though I didn’t plan on it. I had a crazy, tense, emotionally draining, busy day. At one point I was editing/adding to four of my books at once. I was stressed, my blood pressure was off the charts and I just wanted to go to bed. But then I started channel surfing on the television. And I never watch tv except for the news. And then I stumbled on a channel that made me put down the remote control.

A documentary on September 11th. Tomorrow is the five year anniversary. Like so many people, that day has dug a hole in my soul. And sometimes I try and push it out of my heart, out of my head, but it’s always there. I have a hard time seeing footage from that day, refuse to see any movies made about it, and would usually just turn the channel. But I couldn’t. It’s been five years. And I had to wonder how much we’ve forgotten, how much we’ve just put it aside in our hearts and minds. So I watched it. It’s real footage–some I’d never seen before–,and by the end I was bawling. This documentary two French men went to make, who then ended up filming the entire events of that day and the days that followed.

I didn’t even know anyone who died that day. But I was in NY just six days before it happened. And I loved it, loved the people. And so when it happened, with the city still warm in my heart, the photos of towers still in my camera, it just ripped me apart. I was glued to the television for a month watching footage. Screaming at the terrorists, swearing, cursing and most of all crying. And I have to say watching the movie brought it all back. And I’ll be the first to admit I did get numb to it, like so many people have. Where it was just a really big historical event that happened years ago. I think many of us look at it that way. Shake our head, think of how awful it was, and then complain that our husband didn’t do the dishes in the next breath.

I don’t usually post serious posts. You know me, generally happy, funny, and matter of fact. But… I want to today. This is my way of saying to myself and the world that I haven’t forgotten. And I don’t want to forget. I’m glad I watched the documentary. Yeah it was painful–ripping the band aid off a still healing wound–but it was needed.

It also made me realize my life and my problems are never that bad. Yeah I’m a single mom. Yeah I have to live in the downstairs of my parents house to stay afloat right now. Yeah I have health issues. Yeah I can’t seem to sell to NY or land an agent. Yeah I’m convinced I’ll never date again. But you know what? I’m blessed. Because I have a family who loves me. I have a daughter that I get to raise. I have the option to take control of my health. And I have a right to sell to epubs! (Sorry had to throw that one in:) What I’m trying to say is… I have these opportunities. And there are a lot of people around the world who don’t. I don’t want to take that for granted.

There are so many people who put their lives on the line every day. Some who’ve made the ultimate sacrifice, or are willing to make it someday. Hero’s come in all shapes and sizes. And they are what make our country great.

I won’t forget that day… The sacrifices.. the people. I can’t. I don’t want to. And I hope I never do.

*No funny pic today, just wouldn’t feel right*