So I dragged my butt to Weight Watchers today. I needed a good, hard kick in the arse. Because the past couple weeks has been one big FOOD PARTY in my belly. What with my cousins visiting and… oh, any other excuse I could find to eat bad.
So I’m sitting in WW, when a lady that usually chats with us comes and sits by my aunt (Hi Nina!) and I. She asks about my book. Which really blows me away that people off the street remember I write books. Well, the leader at WW did make a formal announcement that I was a writer awhile back. I have a point, really.
So I’m all excited and telling her how Tourist Attraction comes out two weeks from today! And she gets a bit excited and asks me more about it and how she can buy it. Which then I have to explain epublishing, and she’s mid sixties so it’s a ‘WOW’ concept. So then I have to break the news. She’s not allowed to buy my book though.
I know that’s probably terrible marketing on my part, but seriously. I don’t want people showing up and burning crosses on my lawn. She’s pretty religious. And anyone who I think might, say, keel over and die when they read my first love scene… well, I talk them out of buying my book. Which sometimes makes them want to buy it more.
So then her eyes get wide and she says, “No… you don’t look like the type of girl who’d write that kind of book. You seem too innocent, like you wouldn’t know anything about it!”
And at this point other ladies in the meeting are turning around and looking at me.
Then she goes on to ask the standard question writers get asked… ready? “Where do you get your ideas?”
“We-ell…”
“Do you do all the stuff you write about?”
My aunt’s starting to look horrified.
“No, of course not.” But I want to. I’m a single mom who hasn’t gotten action in three years.
“Well, I’m sure it’s not that bad.”
“It really is.” There’s a point where I use the word vacuuming and it has nothing to do with a household chore.
And this is my mid level steamy novel! Not even the hard core one. The next one The Pirate’s Booty, will send any conservative into anaphylptic (I really should know how to spell that word, I was a Medical Assisant) shock.
Anyways, even though I did everything in my power to convince her not to buy my book, I still ended up giving her my business card with the cover and publisher on it. Der.
The next blog entry will hold the time and date of a prayer meeting that’s being held to pray for my soul. 
p.s. Oh, and I gained 2.5 lbs
OK, I know I shouldn’t have, but… *dies laughing*
This is why it’s generally a safer bet not to tell ‘em about the book
Oh man! Sorry but I’m LOL. I can really relate. I hate to even admit that “I write”. I feel for you. My mother told me I should “tone down” my sex scene. LOL.
I totally died at the “vacuuming” comment.
Hang in there, Chica. You’re going to have fabulous fans who love that you write about household appliances in a fun way.
I know what you mean! Although mine is for a different reason. My MIL has been bugging me for ‘A Devil’s Proposal’ And even though Im proud of the book - I’m a bit reluctant. I don’t think I’d be able to look her in the face after that! lol
I cant wait til your books come out. Cobblestone just can’t open fast enough for me.
Great blog! I am working on writing my first MS. It isnt erotica but it is very sexy and descripted. I enjoy writing it and love reading these kinds of books. If I ever sell it, I know I’ll be nervous for some people to read it. Especially my mom. I shouldnt care, I’m a 26 year old woman but the thought of my mom reading it and knowing that I wrote it makes me feel like a 15 year old girl.
I enjoyed your blog and will be stopping by more often.
LOL! That is hilarous. But doesn’t it make you wonder that even though you gave this woman fair warning, she still took the card? Sounds to me like she REALLY wants to read a sexy book!
I wish people would listen to me when I try and steer them away when I know how they’d react. But they *all* say, “oh I’ve read Danielle Steel! I know spicy” and I’m like, “you have NO idea what’s in my books and you should trust me when I say I don’t think they’d be for you.”
But you know, my dad always wants to talk about my books with me (although thankfully we DO NOT talk about the sex parts, LOL) and it’s pretty cool that he’s so into it and proud of me. And my mom goes into Borders and if they’ve got my book on the shelf, she tells everyone her daughter wrote it. That part rocks. (the part where she asked me if I just made up stuff or really did it - not so much with the rocking, LOL)
This made me laugh. Sometimes, after I finish writing some sort of whoo-hoo sex scene, and I’m all sweaty and out of sorts (not really, but my characters are), I think to myself, “good lord, what will happen when ’so and so’ reads that!”
Your story cracked me up. This is why I have a hard time admitting I write sordid love stories.
I’m so ready for Cobblestone to open up so I can READ YOUR BOOK!
LOL - loved your post. My MIL was determined to read one of my EC books. I was safe until my first book came out in print. I tried to tell her she wouldn’t like it. I appealed to my husband to tell her she wouldn’t like it, but he just shrugged and said, let her read it. So I did. I handed over a book. She rang me up about a week later - all giggly - and told me she’d got that flustered she’d had to stop reading. It was one of my milder ones, and I noticed she hasn’t asked to read another, but I did make her giggle!
LOL! Actually that’s good marketing. Tell them not to buy it and they do.
I’m going to try that. hehehe!
Paz
That is totally hilarious!!! Especially the “where do you get your ideas? You don’t do that sort of thing do you!?” LOL
Good thing we ate a good meal last night! Be good Shelli! Remember your goal for nationals!